Absurdistan

From: Baku, Azerbaijan

This post is about our adventures in the capital of Turkmenistan.

I had heard only a little bit about Ashgabat before we got there, and most of it was in that way that people describe lesser-known cities with unhelpful references to better-known places. Backpackers do this a lot. For instance: Lithuania, "the Spain of the Baltics," Springfield, "the Paris of the Midwest," or, as one traveler described Ashgabat, "the Dubai of Turkmenistan." C'mon, people! Turkmenistan has, what? Three cities? I think it was justifiably skeptical of a description that included a comparison to a wealthy Emirati city.

Turns out I was wrong: Dubai-like it is. The city is full of unecessarily large structures, mostly made from white marble and inlaid with gold. The main boulevards are lined with trees and the parks have (expensively irrigated) gardens full of flowers. The streets are even clean, with small teams of traditionally-dressed Turkmen women picking up garbage and sweeping the sidewalks.



Ashgabat isn't so much a city of 'must-sees;' it's more a matter of soaking up the bizarreness that permeates the place. That said, there are a few unmissable oddities. Certainly the most ostentatious is the central Arch of Neutrality, constructed in 1998 to celebrate the Turkmen people's total support for Turkmenbashi's Policy of Neutrality (read: near-total isolation). The arch is over 80 metres tall and is capped by a giant, gold-covered statue of the man himself, which... wait for it... revolves to face the sun.



Close by and, to me, more ridiculous, is the Earthquake Memorial. In the middle of the Soviet era, Ashgabat was leveled by a gigantic earthquake that killed over 75% of the population. Turkmenbashi's mother and brothers died in the collapse, so he constructed a touching moment to honor the victims many years later. The way he chose to honor their memory, however, is pretty hilarious.

The bull presumably represents the tremor shaking the earth, upon which sits Turkmenbashi's mother, who is holding him (conveniently shown in gold). It's a little difficult to understand how the statue represents the other victims of the earthquake given that the only people in the statue are T-bashi and his mother... but there you have it.



The city, of course, has many more wonders. Among them: the Ministry of Fairness, the Ministry of Investment, the Museum of Turkmen Values, Turkmenbashi World of Fairytales (an amusement park), the Walk of Health (a 28 km-long set of steps set into the mountainside where government officials were once forced to trek annually), and... drumroll... the world's largest flagpole:



But I don't want to give you idea that Ashgabat is just some impersonal city of marble. It's also a deeply spiritual place. For around the city are many bookstores, shrines and reading rooms devoted to the Holy Ruhnama (see more: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ruhnama). The Ruhnama, or the Book of the Soul, was one of the many books published by Turkmenbashi when he was alive, but it enjoys a very special role in society (on par with the Qur'aan, according to its author). The book is basically the former President's fanciful interpretation of national history and a compilation of his thoughts on Turkmen values. Frighteningly, it's required reading for driving exams, high schools, medical schools and government examinations for all kinds.

I really couldn't resist buying a copy, especially when the government had so kindly subsidized my copy with its natural gas revenues (it was about $2.50, hardcover). For your enlightenment, I am attaching a few choice quotes from the Holy Book.

The Ruhnama on national identity: "I want to make the young Türkmen alert to this simple fact and to awaken his whole heart and mind to this fact. Why is the Türkmen people a great people? There are various reasons. “Ruhnama” focuses on all those great Türkmens. They are great because such great Türkmens made their own historians and foreign historians say that the Türkmen has been alive for five thousand years."

And on religion: "Allah selected the four heroes of the Türkmens – Oguz Han, Gorkut Ata, Görogly and Magtymguly - as the inheritors of the prophets. Today, Allah the Great has designated you as their inheritor. [Turkmenbashi], devote your life to maintaining the unity of the turkmen nation and to sustaining the golden life for them.” Hmm...

And on geography: "The Türkmen people has a great history which goes back to the Prophet Noah. Prophet Noah gave the Türkmen lands to his son Yafes and his descendants." Really?

So there you go: Ashgabat and the Ruhnama, an incredible adventure into the hilarious and the bizarre. Next up: escaping Turkmenistan and crossing the Caspian Sea. Adios!